I don’t like to do things in half do I? We moved in to our new house less than a month ago and the comments starting flooding in about “new house, new baby”. I giggled at every single Instagram comment or suggestion that this would be the next chapter for us. Little did anyone know that it was already signed, sealed and delivered. Well, not delivered – that part will be happening in May all going well. So yes, we were pregnant before our house sale went through and like so many things in life it has been a total whirlwind. After two years of saving really hard for a house deposit it felt unbelievably surreal to finally see it happening.
Seeing it happening and actually physically moving while having a huge secret to keep was even more surreal. Very few people knew. A handful. I wanted to keep it private until I knew everything was OK at the twelve week scan. It made for a few tricky weeks where I had to strategically pack up our old house while disguising that I was feeling nauseous and couldn’t carry heavy boxes. In hindsight I was really lucky because for me the sickness only lasted two weeks and I never actually vomited once. But still, it was a difficult secret to keep.
Change has always been a massive trigger for me so I’m in a much clearer head space this past week now that it has all settled a bit. It’s been a bit of a fuzzy couple of weeks in that sense. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve wholeheartedly enjoyed moving and felt so much happiness but the change part has definitely stopped me in my tracks a few times. I think because I’m such an over-sharer online I also struggled with going about my day, chatting on instastories and not mentioning that I was actually pregnant. That was just intensified by the fact that the pregnancy was accompanied by a health scare. It was just… a LOT. I feel like that foggy part has passed and I can already feel myself relaxing a bit more. For a long time there I felt like I was pregnant with a cyst. I refused to connect with the idea of there being a baby inside me because I was so worried that if they did operate to remove the cyst it would cause harm to the baby. So I kind of pretended it wasn’t happening on many levels. I feel so guilty writing this but for a number of weeks there I resented the pregnancy. A much wanted baby and a really quick conception had now lead me to a point where I both loved and hated my body. One minute I was seeing those magical lines on a pregnancy test and the next I was being told I had a 9cm cyst on my ovary and that they needed to investigate it as it had markers for something more sinister. Then my mind would tell me that if it were to be something sinister the pregnancy would be the very reason they found it. I think that was the moment I started to really connect with this growing baby. There was a really special moment during the twelve week scan where something washed over me. I saw a baby. It was wriggling, moving, tumbling. It was a baby. Our baby. About five minutes later the not so fun part happened. The doctor was called in, their concerns explained to us and I went to a very very dark place. I’ll still remember those magical moments where I saw my baby though. It was really amazing.
Right now everything looks as though it will be OK. The consultant gynecologist from The Coombe is sending me for an MRI just to be 100% certain of it’s form etc. But we are hopeful that this is something that won’t go any further. I’ll keep you all updated of course.
I’ve had a few moments this week in particular where I just can’t believe that this is all happening. One minute you’re living in a granny flat resenting the fact that you have to pause the TV when you are boiling the kettle due to the noise and the next you are a home owner with a baby on the way in six months. Life is literally such a roller coaster isn’t it?
I’ll be writing in a more in dept way about the mortgage, house-buy and pregnancy etc very soon but I wanted to sort of open this chapter on my blog. I’ve been posting on Instagram daily but it’s been a long time since I’ve put my words down in this way. I’m always writing but it’s usually for Family Friendly HQ who I’ve written for since Billy was a tiny baby. Finding the time to write here has proved to be a little bit tricky recently but I want to return to regular blogging because this is where it all began. I started this blog five years ago when I was pregnant on Billy. I was excited to start a pregnancy blog. It morphed in to a parenting and lifestyle blog. Then came the weight loss and Slimming World stuff accompanied by a career change and actually finding myself with paid writing work. I can well and truly say that this blog, and the reason I started it, has changed my life entirely.
I look forward to taking you on this journey with me. We’re still setting up camp and making our house a home and at almost fifteen weeks pregnant I look forward to sharing my pregnancy with you all. So much change. So much to be grateful for.